Sandra Bullock was born on July 26th, 1964. I don't want to harp on her age, but she is 45 years old. She barely looks 40, if you ask me, and damn, she looks like a very good-looking, beautiful 40-year-old. But it's not just her looks, Sandra has this charm, this energy, which is just so vibrant and appealing, not just to me. Last year was a year which many said was Sandra Bullock's return to her great career, with two very successful movies. I have to admit I watched 'The Proposal', even though I didn't have high expectations for it. It was funny, but it was a romantic comedy, after all. Generally, romantic comedies are not of the highest cinematic kind, with exceptions - like 'It's complicated'. However, Sandra's performance in 'The Blind Side' was amazing, simply put. I loved the movie, the story was moving and the concept just worked.
I have always had a soft spot for Sandra Bullock. I think she is beautiful, funny and even though I would be horribly star-struck should I ever meet her, I think I would still know how to have a conversation with her, because she seems approachable. I really like most of her movies and performances, one of my favorites is 'Practical Magic'. So I am keeping my fingers crossed for her on Oscar night - I really think she has a shot at winning her first Academy Award for 'The Blind Side'.
Happy 2010! Yes, it is already February and therefore a teeny tiny bit late for that, but oh well.I haven't been on here in a while and I apologize. Things are hard, every day. I don't know what to blog about, since I don't want to sound completely depressed, because I am not. Life just shows how you have to fight for what is worth having right now.If you are following me at twitter, you'll know that I moved! *YAY* Finally! Into a small apartment, with a bedroom, kitchen/livingroom and bathroom. I am really glad that we found something that has two actual rooms for this price, because my finances are very limited and everything else we looked at had at the most a separate kitchen, but not anything where we could have sat in a different room than the bedroom. Due to the fact that my girlfriend's parents can't/won't support her enough financially, we don't really have enough money. In a perfect month, we should have $100 left over at the end of the month, but since we constantly still need stuff for the apartment we have problems even having enough money for groceries. I have never had to worry about money. EVER. Even though I didn't get a lot of pocket money or was rich per se, I always had enough to not worry about it. I was always able to just go to the movies if I wanted to. Or to go out to eat at a decently priced restaurant with my friends. When I moved away from home three years ago, I easily managed to live off the budget my parents gave me because I am naturally careful with my money. I saved up quite a bit of money, enough to almost fully pay for a trip to see my girlfriend for two weeks. All my parents paid was part of the flight, which was only the smaller part of the cost of the vacation.I never thought that I would be in the position where I had to worry about money, because even though my parents are not rich by anyone's standards, they know how to handle money really well and passed that on to me. Whenever I needed something (a jacket, new jeans, school stuff), I just asked and they paid for it. Yes, sometimes they would say no, especially when it came to T-shirts and things I didn't really need, but more wanted. But I never lacked anything I needed. Now things look quite different. There are a number of things we technically still need for the apartment we simply cannot afford. After rent I will have about 10 dollars left until next week, when my gf's mom gives her grocery money.And even then we have to be very careful what we spend our money on. I don't have a problem being frugal, none at all. But it starts weighing down on you after a while if you don't have money to go to the movies or to go out to dinner for Valentine's day, or even to buy a curtain for your bedroom.Because of my visa status, I can't even work, not that anyone would hire me in this economy. It doesn't seem like this situation will improve much anytime soon, which just worries me, because my girlfriend and I both suffer from the constant worrying about money. She constantly fights about it with her mom too, who thinks it is perfectly fine for me to support her since we are one couple, and doesn't understand that my parents pay for me to go to college here, not for somebody else to do so too. She doesn't get that my parents give me more than 3 times the amount of money she gives her daughter and that I am not willing to give up all 'amenities' of having money (such as healthy food like fruits and veggies, which she says we shouldn't buy because they are too expensive) just because she doesn't know how to handle her money. I can't really talk to my friends about this, because I don't want them to think that my girlfriend is using me or something like this. I know that this is probably not exactly what they would think, but I think there might be some weird feelings. Anyways, this is weighing down on both me and my girlfriend and it sucks.
Now, the title of this post is 'Happy first birthday!' Wonder why? Because one year ago today, my nephew was born! He is such a cutie-pie and I miss him so much, because I can only watch him grow up through pictures. I can talk to everybody else, but not him. And he will have no clue who I am once I go visit in the summer. That is the only downside of having come here, but I guess not everything can be positive. Anyways, he is such a big boy to me already, standing and, I think, walking a bit already, saying two words. Yes, 'Da' and 'Ui' are words, believe it or not!! Anyways, this was a year ago:
And this was a few weeks ago:
Perfectly healthy and happy, despite the fact that he came to us two months early! So happy birthday, favorite nephew!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
I've been thinking about that song and video more lately... This video is one of my favorite videos of all time, for various reasons. That's all I'm going to say for now.
Last night, after I had written the previous post and cried a little, I went to sleep nap at about 6.30 pm. I woke up at about 5.30 am because my girlfriend was crawling into bed as well. We talked for a while, but fell back asleep at around 7 and finally got up at about 10. That makes around 13 hours of sleep. To say that I was lacking that sleep in the last two weeks is an understatement. You don't just sleep 13 hours just like that. I was mentally exhausted and think I still am a little, but I guess watching 'Precious' today did not necessarily help with that. I'm still here, I'm just not quite there right now. Off to bed now.
Last week I had my first birthday away from home, even though it did not really feel that way, since my dad was here on a visit. I feel like birthdays are something that suck to be celebrated, because they are only actually important to the person whose birthday it is. Nobody ever really cares as much about your birthday as yourself, or maybe your parents. I never had anyone plan a party for me, even as a kid I planned most of it myself, and the older I got, the less fun were the parties. It was always a hassle to try and get everybody together and to find something fun to do and I just started not really liking my birthday anymore. Yeah, I got presents and money, but in recent years it just always seemed like a disappointment, especially last year when my brother and his wife visited on the day of my birthday and so everything was about them and the baby.
This year, I had class and so inbetween classes we went to eat and to the beach, but it wasn't much fun because I was torn between paying attention to my dad and my girlfriend and some stuff that was going on. At night, I went to dinner with my dad, but he didn't want my girlfriend to come with us so it kinda sucked. It was his last day here and I was a bit relieved because I just had too much going on and didn't need him butting into my business and telling me what to do/how to live my life. I got exactly one surprise gift from my parents, which was this little book with political satire that I don't really care about. Yes, I got many presents - a jacket, pair of jeans, new sneakers and a book - but I chose all of those and except for the book those were all things I actually needed. My dad said that the trip we went on was also part of my presents and he kept insisting on the fact that *he* would not have gone to Las Vegas or LA if it had not been for me. I would not have gone to Las Vegas either if it had not been for him visiting, because I had a lot of homework to do over the Thanksgiving break (and by a lot I mean about 25-30 pages of essays and term paper for English) and I would have not been sad had I stayed home all Thanksgiving break. I would have actually enjoyed spending some quality time with my girlfriend, thank you very much.
I know that I sound like a bratty, unthankful kid, but truthfully, I'm not missing my parents that much, like I already said, and there is a part of me that didn't want him to come visit because I just had too much going on and I would have been fine not seeing him till June. As for everybody else, I got birthday emails, but only two birthday cards - from my sister and my grandma - and I don't know if that is because some people didn't have my adress or something like that but I was a bit disappointed. I got presents from my sister, but nothing from my aunt and my brother forgot that I exist alltogether.
Now Christmas is approaching fast and the only thing I feel like doing is sleeping and watching TV. I am completely exhausted from my first semester at College and everything else that had been going on and it just doesn't seem like December to me at all. Even though it is colder now, California is nowhere near as cold as Austria and all the small things I like about christmas in Austria just don't exist here. The decorations here are so corny and there are no christmas markets to go to to drink hot wine punch and freeze your ass off. The athmosphere is different here. If I had my own place to live, I could easily get into the spirit by decorating everything nicely and having a tree and all the little things that make you get into the mood, but I don't so I can't. I'm already hating christmas and we're still so far away from it being over.
This is a really depressing post, I'm sorry about that, but that's how I feel, so there you have it.
I wish I could say life is good. Life is busy, that is what it is for me right now.For thanksgiving break, my dad came out to visit. If you follow me on Twitter, you'll know that we went to Las Vegas and Los Angeles, among other places. It was nice to see him, but I did not miss him that much beforehand and would have probably been able to go till June without missing him too much. I skype with my parents on a fairly regular basis, so I don't really miss them all that much. Which I see as a good thing, I am old enough to not emotionally depend on my parents anymore, even when I financially do. And then again, I am most certainly a mommie's girl, so I probably would have enjoyed her visiting more. So I spent part of my vacation with him wishing he hadn't come so that I could have stayed at home, done all of my homework and spent some quality time with my girl.
What really bugged me is how he was trying to get into my business, telling me what to do. I have written about it before, my living situation more than sucks right now. Technically, I could afford to live in a room of my own with roommates, but then I would not be able to live with my girlfriend. He basically told me that me having a nice room is more important than living with her, as I don't *have to* spend all my time with her, according to him. I told him that first of all, it was my business, and second of all, I want to spend all my time with her. I told him that I had been alone all my life and that I did not want to be alone anymore, even if my girlfriend and I fight from time to time. Okay, more than that, but that's not the point. I think he totally did not understand what I was talking about. I think he has no idea how hard it was for me to be all alone and how I secretly hoped and wished for someone to love me the way I am. Anyways, basically I told him that it was my choice and that I would do what I think is right for me. What my parents probably don't realise is that with trying to get into my business and decisions, they just distance themselves way more than any ocean could ever distance people.
My parents only want the best for their children, which unfortunately translates into them not letting us make our own mistakes, or what they view as our own mistakes. They still try and get into my brother's business all the time, when he is 31. They tell us it is our choice, but they make damn sure that we know what they think we should do. I don't want them in my relationship, I have never talked to them about people I liked before and I will not consult them for advice now either. I would not tell them if I had a bad fight with my girlfriend or if something was up, so I will also not let them tell me what to do when I specifically never asked for their advice. I think I am old enough to make my own mistakes. I don't think that I am making a mistake, as I am weighing the pros and cons very carefully and the pros outweigh the cons by A LOT the way things are right now, but if I were making a mistake it would be my right to do so on my own. The worst that can happen is that I don't feel great living where I am and that I would be looking for a different place to live, but I highly doubt that that will happen, even if the situation is not great.
As of right now, we are still living with my girlfriend's uncle, but we found a nice place we like. We will probably move in with my girlfriend's mother, which is something I am not necessarily exited/happy about, but that way we can have our own bedroom, our own space, and we will be together. I am fully aware that this situation is nowhere near perfect, but it is the only solution right now. I don't want to not live with my girlfriend, so having to live with her mother is more than worth it. Now let's all cross our fingers and toes that we will actually get this apartment and then we'll see. Until then, I will tell my parents that it is infact really, truly, my choice and that I don't want to hear what they have to say because they have said it before and it is getting old.
So don't read if you're not interested, which I would totally understand. I've tweeted about my living situation and how I recently moved in with my girlfriend and her uncle - into a one-bedroom apartment. As you can imagine, this is not exactly perfect - or should I say it sucks? Yes, rent is cheap, but we live in the living room, which isn't huge and we sleep on an airbed. We have almost no privacy and no space to call our own. We want to move into a condo but can't afford even the cheapest place because my girlfriend can't get a job - stupid economy!! - and her mom is barely supporting her enough to feed her. Her parents basically both don't care what happens in her future or at least they don't show their care because neither of them truly supports her, so I do my best, but I have limited means available as well. My parents pay for my school and living expenses, but with paying for part of my girlfriend's groceries I spend almost all the money they give me for necessities. My girlfriend and I fight about money, because we don't have any, and we fight because we don't have the space the give each other some space.
I know that I should be grateful that I have a place to live and that my parents are providing for me and that I don't go to bed hungry, but this situation is slowly starting to eat me up. I don't know how much longer my gf's uncle will let me stay here and I don't know what will happen once he tells me to move out. I literally don't have anywhere to go. I grew up in a nice house and when I move out I moved into this huge room in an apartment that I shared with two other girls where I had lots of privacy and lots of space. I don't really want to move in with roommates, as my girlfriend will not be able to stay over very often and then we won't be able to see each other on a daily basis, which is what we are used to. Because of all the homework, we barely have time to spend any quality time together, and I really don't want to spend any of the little time we have apart. The only solution that seems like a good idea right now is to move into a two-bedroom apartment with her uncle, as he then would be paying her rent. But as of right now, he can't afford to move and he also doesn't seem really willing to move, as he has lived in this apartment for years and we could possibly move someplace else within 5 years. Then, he might have difficulties paying rent in a bigger apartment and what would he do with a 2-bedroom. I understand why he is reluctant, I totally do, but this is just the only solution I have. This is my plan. I don't have a plan B, all I have this or nothing. My girlfriend and I have discussed this issue multiple times in the past days and there just doesn't seem to be a solution. Unless one of us mysteriously wins the lottery or inherits a large sum of money, we will probably still be living in this apartment a year from now.
The situation sucks, I don't know what to do, and I've never been in a situation like this before in my life. I know that a lot of people go through hard times, but with trying to keep up with my homework, trying to get a 4.0 GPA and having a healthy relationship, I just feel like I don't have the energy to figure out what to do. I've been ignoring this problem since the day I moved in here and the longer I live here the harder it gets to ignore the fact that living like that is, quite frankly, below my standards. I don't mean to sound like a spoiled little child, but I've always had my own bed and my own desk and a dresser and even when I shared a room with my sister - for a whole 13 years - I had more space and more privacy. At least then, I could always go into a different room.
Dear god, it appears I'm trying to kill myself. With school very obviously kicking my butt, I kinda, maybe, perhaps, sorta, might have overlooked the fact that I should be reading 4 books for my English class and that I had only started reading 2. Yes, I could have chosen to not start with the one that is 'due' tomorrow, but instead chosen a different book (we get to choose 3 books out of 5), but I had this grand idea that if I can read a 700-page Harry Potter in a day I'll be able to read a 460-page book about hip-hop in a weekend. Well, it seems having to do laundry, dishes, cooking and other random things that need to be done around the house diminishes your ability to read for 8 hours a day. So I still have to read about 80 pages before tomorrow. Yeah, I am crazy, but hey, I have already read too much to give up now. Luckily, I don't have to do a presentation about the book, I just have to hand in my reading journal, which I have been working on while reading, and take part in the discussion.
Still, it seems like I am trying to kill myself by reading too much. Funny, really, as our English teacher keeps mentioning how she thinks we read too much. Ya think? Anyways, I will be able to finish by tomorrow, I'm just not going to get too much sleep. Not that I'm not used to that by now. The book is fairly interesting, but it has slightly too many names and terms in it for it to be an easy read. If I'm having a hard time reading it, then so will most people in my class, based on the fact that most of them hate the book we all have to read and I think of it as really interesting ('1968: The Year that Rocked the World', by Mark Kurlansky, in case you were wondering). I'm already wondering how much of the information I will actually be able to retain, but we will see in my discussion tomorrow.
As for now, I have to go back to reading, so that I can get at least some sleep. More on this will follow soon...
School is seriously kicking my butt!! I am so busy all the time, I don't have time to do anything apart homework, get groceries and spend some little time with my girlfriend.So far I'm getting good grades - only one B so far - but I just hope that with me not having enough time for speeches and essays that my grades won't slip.
That's all. Not much for now, but I just don't have time to post right now. I'm enjoying my time here, I hardly miss home at all and things with the girlfriend are good, even if we quarrel sometimes. But overall it's good, so I'm happy.
[I wrote this review for my class, it got published in last week's paper - *yay*.]
The German movie „The Baader Meinhof Complex“ – currently showing in the Hillcrest cinema – relives the crimes of a terrorist group called ‘Red Army Fraction’ (RAF), active in Germany between the 1960s and the 1990s. Andreas Baader and Ulrike Meinhof were the two most prominent leaders of the RAF and saw themselves as revolutionaries in ‘the police state West Germany’. Their generation, born during or right after World War II, was hell bent on not letting something even remotely similar to Hitler and the Nazi Regime happen again and found the German society to be a prisoner of capitalism and a politically motivated press. Their criminal activities cost 34 lives and left hundreds injured. The movie successfully shows what terrorism can do to a country, but also what it does to the terrorists and how their fanaticism ultimately lead to their self-destruction.
To an Austrian, numerous of the actors are familiar faces. The roles were well-cast and the actors did a terrific job at portraying multi-faceted, some-what afflicted characters. Moritz Bleibtreu (‘Munich’), Martina Gedeck (‘The Good Shepard’), Bruno Ganz (‘The Reader’), Hannah Herzsprung and Heino Ferch are all household names in German cinema and theatre. Showing Baader’s anger and fierce commitment to the cause, Bleibtreu’s acting stands out. Bruno Ganz plays the head of the Federal Criminal Police Office with a spooky calm, understanding how and why the terrorists operate so well even his subordinates are worried. The movie is definitely European, maybe even noticeably German – and not just because of the language! Nudity and violence are portrayed differently to American movies, almost in a matter-of-fact way. The violence is not glorified nor hidden, but rather shown for what it was. The style and setting sets ‘The Baader Meinhof Complex’ apart from how American’s show their history on film. America’s film society recognized the movie for its excellence with one Golden Globe nomination and one Academy Award nomination for ‘Best Foreign Language Film’ in 2009.
Watching the movie almost seems as if it was supposed to be a two-parter. Even though the two thematic halves were closely related, the feel and setting are distinctively different. Running at 2 hours and 30 minutes, one is aware of its length. ‘The Baader Meinhof Complex’ might have left more of an impact on viewers had the two parts been separated.
Being a true story, the movie succeeds in mixing real news clips from that time with the fictional material. In some scenes, the viewers are placed inside the characters emotional world so well, one cannot help but feel either sympathetic or antagonistic towards the terrorists. An interest in German history or terrorism in other countries makes this movie worth watching, even if it is long-winded at times.
Today is National Coming Out Day. I have struggledwithcoming out and am still uncertain when to refer to my girlfriend as my girlfriend and when to say 'my best friend'. I hate, hate, hate lying about our relationship, but sometimes it is just difficult to be perfectly honest. All I know is that being out and open is important for our community, which is why I try to be out as much as I possibly can and why I joined the LGBT-club on campus.
Being out is difficult. Every member of my community knows that and has encountered some kind of discrimination. But as AfterEllen's tag-line states 'Because visibility matters' - visibility does matter. So come out to your family, your friends and be open - as much as you can!
Since I'm taking a class called 'Introduction to Cinema' as an honors class, I am required to write at least 4 movie reviews. The main purpose is to supply the student newspaper with content, but it is not garantueed that every review is also printed. My first review got printed, so I'm pretty excited about that. The editor changed the title because it was too long and some minor details, but here is the edition that I handed in:
Julie, Julia and the lack of creativity
Meryl Streep probably is the best actress of our time – 15 Oscar nominations and 2 wins speak for themselves. Unfortunately, some of her movies question her choice in roles. ‘Julie & Julia’ is one of those movies.
‘Julie & Julia’ is the story of Julia Child, an American who learns how to cook in Paris, and Julie Powell, an office worker who escapes her world by cooking Julia Child’s recipes. Among the well-chosen cast are Meryl Streep as Julia, Amy Adams as Julie, the great but underused Stanley Tucci as Julia’s husband, the hilarious Jane Lynch and quirky Mary Lynn Rajskub. The acting is solid throughout the movie, but there is only so much actors can do when the material isn’t quite right.
Solid seems to be the theme of this movie – the acting is solid, the music is solid, the storylines are solid, but nothing stands out. It seems as if the writers, directors and editors hadn’t taken any risks and thereby made the movie boring. With its 2 hours and 3 minutes, the movie does not progress as swiftly as it could. Numerous storylines are briefly mentioned – a wedding, a divorce, unsupportive friends, the wish for a baby – but then not touched upon for the rest of the film. This frustrates the viewer, who could have done without these storylines and wouldn’t have missed them at all.
Nora Ephron, who co-wrote and directed ‘Julie & Julia’, was certainly another reason why viewers saw the movie or had high expectations of it. ‘When Harry Met Sally…’, ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ and ‘You’ve Got Mail’ are all classics either written or written and directed by Ephron. However, looking back at her last movie, ‘Bewitched’, it almost seems as if she has lost her magic as a filmmaker.
The movie offers a few laughs and a few heartfelt moments, but fails to draw the viewer in completely. Amy Adams is adorable, even through her flaws and breakdowns the audience can’t help but like Julie. Meryl Streep’s acting is consistently great, but Julie & Julia doesn’t allow her to show her skills.
Had the movie been shorter by 30 minutes, viewers might have thoroughly enjoyed watching the story unfold. However, no character or storyline stood out and this movie-going experience will probably be forgotten by many as soon as they leave the theatre.
Hard to believe, I know! My live has been so busy, I don't think I have ever been this busy in my whole life.
I flew to California over 7 weeks ago. I had to look for a roommate, which was one epic fail, as I did find one but a crappy one. Right now, I'm staying with my girlfriend and her uncle, which on the one hand is a good thing because I'm living with my girlfriend, on the other hand I don't really know how long I can stay here. So I'm looking for a room again. School started four weeks ago and so far I really like it.I'm taking a class called 'Introduction to Cinema' and I love it!We watch a movie each week and even though I didn't like the movie's we have watched so far that much it still is a really interesting class.
Things with my girlfriend are going great, we have our ups and downs but we are definitely happy with each other. It has taken us some time to transition from not seeing each other at all to seeing each other almost or all of the time, but we're getting into the groove now. We're both really busy with school, so we don't always have that much quality time to spend together, but at least we see each other every day.
That's pretty much it for now. Sorry if this seems jumbled and that I haven't posted for so long, but that's life, I guess.
As I've mentioned before, I really like award shows! Today, the 2009 Emmy Nominations were announced and I'm already excited because I will be able to watch the Emmies live and not in the middle of the night! I have to admit that I don't actually watch too many of the shows that are nominated, but I was actually pleased that 'Grey's Anatomy' wasn't nominated for an award. I think this reflects the poor quality and writing that about half of season 5 was. I am, however, very happy that both Sandra Oh and Chandra Wilson are nominated, because those two actresses kick ass on screen! I wish they had considered Brooke Smith, but she was only in 7 episodes and so I can see why they didn't, even though she was FREAKIN' AWESOME in those 7 episodes.
I'm also very excited about Kyra Sedgwick and Toni Colette being nominated as 'Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama/Comedy Series'. I am keeping my fingers crossed for Toni Colette because she showed so many facets of her great talent in 'United States of Tara'. I can't believe I haven't posted about my love for USoT and Toni in it before.
The other nominations that made me smile and go *YAY* are: Tony Shalhoub for Monk (I can identify with him so much), Hugh Laurie for House, Cherry Jones for 24 (I haven't seen her in it, but DYKE!! That just makes me happy, a lesbian playing the first female president.), 'Real Time with Bill Maher' in the new category 'Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Series' along with 'The Daily Show' and 'The Colbert Report', 'Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List' and 'Kathy Griffin: She'll Cut a Bitch' (Love her comedy specials, she sometimes goes a little far on her show, but she's funny anyways).
So that's my Emmy excitement for now. Let's hope for pretty dresses and for at least one of the Grey's Girls to win the award this year - since both have been nominated before (Oh 4 times, Wilson 3 times).
Yesterday I moved from the town I've studied in for the last two years back home. It doesn't feel like I moved back home, since I will leave in exactly two weeks to go to California. I said goodbye to my friends there, which was very weird too. I haven't grasped the concept yet that I won't see them for at least 10 months. Two of my three best friends lived in that town and I know I will miss them. I really hope that we can stay in touch but at the same time I know how hard it is to talk about everything that's always going on in one's life when the other person is so far away. I created a second twitter account just so that I can keep my friends and family up-to-date and I'm thinking about creating a second blog, but I barely find the time/energy to update this blog as often as I would like. I guess I'll just have to wait and see how everything turns out.
Right now, I've mostly cleaned up my room and put everything away. There is a little mess in my room simply because I don't have enough storage to put absolutely everything away, but apart from that it's looking pretty good. I will start going through all of my drawers and cupboards to decide what to keep and what to throw out/sell, since I will not be able to take that much stuff with me. I made my 'packing-list' today and most of my suitcases will be filled with clothes and shoes and such. At least I get to take two suitcases with a total of 100 lbs with me. Those plus my two carry-on items will be A LOT to take care of, since I don't even weigh that much more than all of my luggage will. But I only have to get all of my luggage through customs in Chicago, where I will have to change planes. Oh my...
The idea that I'm not going to be home for 10 months and not see my family and friends still is a bit foreign to me. I can't wrap my mind around how I will feel, but I think that in situations like this it's always hard to know beforehand how everything will turn out. I know that this is the right decision and that I really want this and I will do everything I can to make it work. My therapist was certain that I was prepared as well as you can be for this huge change and that just makes me more certain.
I can't wait what will come my way, even if I can't really imagine it quite yet.
Right now, I am still in the town I study in. I plan on moving Wednesday and have already moved part of my stuff. I wrote one exam today and will write another one Wednesday, but understandably I'm not very motivated to study. Once I've moved and am back home, I will have exactly two weeks until I get on a plane to my new life. Actually, I will only have 13 days, since I will arrive home late Wednesday and will have to leave for the airport early Thursday two weeks later.
As long as I am here, I still have a lot of time. There are numerous things I cannot organize yet and I can't do any of the packing yet either. My room here is already almost empty, all I basically have to do is put everything into my parent's car. It has been weird, today I went to dinner with one of my best friends and it was the last time that we really actually had time to talk. She might help me move a bit, but we will probably not see each other for a year after that. I really want to stay in touch with certain people from my life here, but I don't know what to expect as soon as I'm in California so it's hard to predict what will happen. I've been looking for a room in California, but so far nothing great has come up. It is really hard to find a room when I am here and the room is there.
As soon as I'm home, I will start going through all of my stuff, mostly my clothes and figure out what I'm throwing out, what I'm taking with me and what'll stay. I will be gone for about 10 months and I don't want to keep too much stuff if I'm not going to ever use it again. It will be hard to let go of certain things but I will try to not be too emotional, since the things will be in Austria and therefore out of my reach anyways. I will mostly keep winter clothing, since I don't need that in California - obviously - but I do plan on coming home for Christmas at least once in the next three years.
Normally, my life is very organized. I like making plans and lists and I am really bad at being spontaneous. Really, really bad. Right now, I cannot even plan ahead one month. I can think of all the things that I want, but I have no clue what they will exactly look like or even if I will have these things. I thought that when I got the acceptance email to college I'd be able to sleep better again, but so far I haven't been able to fall asleep at night at all because I have a million things going through my head. I really don't know what to expect and everything will change for me - way more than it did when I moved out.
I am certain that this was the right decision and I can't wait to start college and live my dream. But nonetheless, I'm a little anxious of how everything will work out in the next month. I expect problems and glitches, because you always have to expect those, but I just don't know what they will look like. I'm leaving my security net, that I've been living with for 21 years, behind. It is exciting, but also nerve-wracking. I guess we'll have to wait and see how everything turns out. I'm just not good at the patience-thing.
So I lost some weight. The few people that I've actually admitted that to seem to think it's a significant amount, even though I said I'd lost less than I did. It didn't really take any effort on my part to lose it and I could probably stay at that weight if I tried to. Now that I know I will go to college in the States, my hunger has returned, big time. I'm in the middle of moving, so I'm burning a lot of energy and I haven't actually gained back much. The problem is that I still feel fat. I still hate my belly and I still wish I could just cut a few inches away.
So there are basically two options. Either I don't eat and can somewhat live with the knowledge that even though I have a belly, I don't weight as much as I used to. Or I can figure out a way to accept that if I wanted to have a toned stomach, I'd have to work out a few times a week and since I'm too lazy to do that, I'll just have to live with the belly that I have.
"Going to California, yes To resurrect my soul The sun is always shining, shining Or at least that's what I'm told I'm going to California Theres a better life for me, yes Going to California I'll write and tell you what I see I'm going to California Somebody say a prayer for me"
'Going to California' ~ Pink
"Take me to the place where the sunshine flows Oh my Sunset Rodeo
Hot fudge here comes the judge There's just a green card in the way The Holy Ghost and the whole East Coast Are moving to L.A. 'Cause we've been dreaming of this feeling since 1988 Mother things have got to change I'm moving to L.A."
'Hot Fudge' ~ Robbie Williams (Well, not LA and no green card so far, but almost)
The last two nights, I cried over the uncertainty of my future. I was scared shitless that I wouldn't be able to move to the States and how that would affect my life. But today, I finally was told that I got into college in California! I was so relieved and happy. There are a thousand things that I have to do and organize and orientation takes place not even a month from now, so I'll be super-busy. I think the news hasn't even really settled in, especially since I haven't booked a flight yet. But I am super-excited and just have to smile every time I think about it.
That's all for now, but there sure is more to come!
Sandra Bullock was born on July 26th, 1964. I don't want to harp on her age, but she is 45 years old. She barely looks 40, if you ask me, and damn, she looks like a very good-looking, beautiful 40-year-old. But it's not just her looks, Sandra has this charm, this energy, which is just so vibrant and appealing, not just to me. Last year was a year which many said was Sandra Bullock's return to her great career, with two very successful movies. I have to admit I watched 'The Proposal', even though I didn't have high expectations for it. It was funny, but it was a romantic comedy, after all. Generally, romantic comedies are not of the highest cinematic kind, with exceptions - like 'It's complicated'. However, Sandra's performance in 'The Blind Side' was amazing, simply put. I loved the movie, the story was moving and the concept just worked.
I have always had a soft spot for Sandra Bullock. I think she is beautiful, funny and even though I would be horribly star-struck should I ever meet her, I think I would still know how to have a conversation with her, because she seems approachable. I really like most of her movies and performances, one of my favorites is 'Practical Magic'. So I am keeping my fingers crossed for her on Oscar night - I really think she has a shot at winning her first Academy Award for 'The Blind Side'.
