Writing from the heart

Okay, so I'm neither a literary genius nor the most creative writer. But I decided to try something new and different to improve the quality of my stories. From writing this blog, I know that when I write from the heart and am truly feeling something, my writing seems to be way better. So I wrote some semi-autobiographic one-shot from Erica's perspective. I was really uncertain about posting it, especially since all feedback would eventually also be feedback on me and my life/experiences, not just my writing. After having someone read it and tell me it's good, I decided to go along and post it. The feedback I've been getting so far is pretty amazing. Burningeden, who is probably the best writer in our Callica-community, wrote me this:

This is absolutely gorgeous. There's no other word for it. I am amazed!
I loved the dialogue, that little twist at the end, and all of it. Simply marvelous work! Kudos! Please write more ... you're incredible. :)

I'm completely blown away. I mean, she reads what *I* write? I feel like I'm not even worthy of her time and attention and then she leaves me this comment? Totally made my day! Anyways, now I need to find a way to write about something I haven't gone through and keep up the quality. Wish me luck with that!

Unplugged

I had a very nasty virus on my computer last weekend. Luckily, my brother was in town to help me re-set up my computer and he was able to save my data, but I don't have windows office right now. Which sucks, kinda.

I'm back in Innsbruck to prepare for my exams. Or I should be preparing for my exams, instead I read massive amounts of fanfiction to vote at ga_ficawards over at livejournal. I got nominated too!! In the Callie/Erica drama category. I'm very happy about that, but not even I voted for myself. I'm up against "One Heart Too Many" by former weekend crush burningeden, who kick's our collective writers' asses by writing amazingly beautiful stories! But I'm flattered and honored by the nomination alone. I'm reading through all the shorter stories in the categories I'm interested in to cast a vote. Which are mainly all the categories with Erica or Callie or femslash.

Yesterday, Grey's returned with the post-strike episodes on Austrian TV and I watched it excitedly, even though I've seen it twice already. Yeah, I'm weird like that. I still can't wait for September 25th to roll around. I bet I won't be able to sleep that night and I'll be up early, bright and shiny, searching Youtube for uploads.

I'm off to write fanfiction - by hand. I forgot how slow writing things by hand is.

Humiliation, thy name is Nelfy

Me, Nelfy, has written about sex. Not just about sex, I've written about two people having sex. Not just written, but DESCRIBED, in detail, the sex. Me! Inexperienced me! Yeah, I'm laughing too. More at the situation at whole than at me. Or maybe I'm laughing at myself not because I wrote about sex, but that I'm humiliated by writing about sex. Actually, I'm not humiliated about writing about sex that much, I'm humiliated about someone else reading what I wrote about sex.

In the last few days, I've been writing the chapter in my fic in which Callie and Erica finally get intimate and writing this has been more difficult than I thought. The language part and the lack of experience part both played roles in why I couldn't write it, but mainly it sounded kind of awkward. Not the story itself, but the writing. Today, finally posted it and I really hope that my readers approve. I wrote 5 and 1/2 pages with little content, just them getting it on. As humiliating this is, it also feels kinda good. Seeing that we might not be getting any of this IRL - or rather ORT (on real television).

Today, I finally got the grade from my Strategy & Marketing exam and I failed! I don't know how that happened, I answered all questions and with most of them I was sure that I got it right! This sucks so much, they offer ONE day on which you can take a look at your exam and why you got the grade that you got and it's in three weeks, which means that I have to take a day off from work to go to Innsbruck just because of this damn exam. They give out dates in the holidays, what kind of crap is that? In Innsbruck, I would guess more than 50 % of the students don't actually live in Innsbruck, probably at least 1/3 lives abroad. So basically they completely ignore the fact that for a lot of students it's not just a thirty minute drive to university, it's a day trip to get there and back home. I really don't like the university in Innsbruck right now ... *goesofftofume*.

Nelfy, writer and publisher of fanfiction

Yesterday, I mustered up all my courage and finally posted the first three chapters of my Callica fanfiction "Doctors don't make promises, do they?" on my livejournal page (and on Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction, on Fanfiction.net and the Callica board, because I'm thorough like that.). I already have 5 comments *doeshappydance* on my LJ page, saying that I should write more, which I will do today. It took me forever to find a title and I'm still uncertain whether I actually like it, but I'm going to stick to the promises-theme for a while if I can so the title at least makes some sense.


Today, my parents are finally coming home from their holiday and I'm already looking forward to that! Right now, the weather pretty much sucks a lot, it's raining and I haven't seen the sun in two days. It's really cold as well, one 15° Celsius, which cnn tells me are 61° Fahrenheit. Which is way to cold for summer!!

My godmother, whom I love and with whom I have a great relationship, is getting a divorce. Actually, her husband of nearly 40 years decided that he wanted to spend the rest of his days "in tranquillity" and that he couldn't do that with her, because she always wants to do things and visit places and just enjoy her life with her friends and family. The whole situation is really sad, because she did not want to get a divorce but he more or less forced her to move out of their house. She now lives in a flat while he lives in one of those assisted living apartments. I don't really know how to help her and I feel like all I can do is spend time with her. But that doesn't seem enough. It just makes me so sad because I feel like I can't really make her feel better.

My Weekend Crush

I’m shamelessly stealing this idea from Dorothy Surrenders, whose weekend crush this weekend is: actually a couple crush, namely Wall•E and Eve.

To me, a crush can be and mean a lot of things - mostly, it means that I'm not really in love with the person. I can only know one part of a person and have a crush on her skills (eg acting, writing, being gorgeous) and having a crush on a lady doesn't necessarily mean that I want to jump her bones. Just wanted to clear this up.

I've been reading so much fanfiction in the last few weeks and I feel like these stories have kept me sane, at least as sane as I am. At Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction, I stumbled burningeden aka Chelle's stories. I started reading "One Heart Too Many" and I immediately loved it!! Chelle doesn't just use what the Grey's writers gave her and writes some more, she really takes apart the characters, adding complex histories and writing extended storylines for each of the characters in her stories. Her fanfics are also way longer than most, which I very much appreciate because it feels like I'm reading a novel. After I read the first 18 chapters of "One Heart Too Many" and couldn't wait for an update, I decided to check out her other stories. I have to say that "Ready For A Fall" and the sequel "Fallen" are also amazing. Normally, I only read stories with the pairing I'm really invested in, mainly Callica or Caddison. But her writing entertains me so much that I'll read any story she wrote because it's so easy to get invested in her stories. I had to literally force myself to go to bed at 3 am one day because I didn't want to stop reading "Fallen". I thought the suspense would probably kill me in my sleep. Chelle has agreed to me posting two small parts of her stories to give you a tiny little taste. Thanks, Chelle! If you plan on reading her stories, which you really should, here's my spoiler warning! I think I posted some rather neutral parts which don't give too much away, but I'd still like to warn you anyways.


From "One Heart Too Many", Chapter Seven:

"My brother Joel arrives and he skirts the table where I’m sitting. Trevor is allowed to run and greet me ... Hope keeps a firm grip on Savannah. My niece tugs twice to get away, but Hope hangs onto her so tightly that I see her hand turn red and she cries out. Her eyes meet mine and she reaches for me, but she’s not *allowed* to love me. Or touch me. Or come to me.

The truth breaks over me.

They think their son is safe with me as his aunt ... but
their daughter is not because I’m attracted to girls."

I love the things Chelle writes about being gay and how much being out hurts sometimes. Some things she writes touch me so much because I know what it feels like and even when I haven't had really bad experiences (violence, hate crimes), I still feel pain for every gay person who gets killed or commits suicide (just think of the recent Lawrence King murder or all the other hate crime victims.

Chelle writes things that touch me, sometimes also because they feel very close to me. "One Heart Too Many", Chapter Seventeen:

"When you convince yourself that you don’t like people, you really do it because people don’t like you and it hurts less to say it first. You make yourself an outcast before anyone else can do it for you because you can at least save face when it happens."

I don't think that that's what I do, because I have tried so hard to not be an outcast and I still always end up that way. But when she writes something like that, it makes me contemplative and that's a GOOD thing! She also has pop culture references, which is like an added bonus (even though I don't get all of them, but hey, I'm from Austria, so you have to forgive me) and her *cough*sex scenes*cough* are very satisfying as well. And I don't even LIKE straight sex.

Unfortunately, Chelle has an operation today, so we should all include her in our thoughts and send some good juju her way!

So now that you know all you need to know, hop over to her site and let yourself be pulled into her world. It's worth the trip, believe me!