Down time

I started my holidays two weeks ago and apparently really have abandoned this blog. Sorry for that. What have I been up to, you ask? I actually went to see my nephew, but you already knew that. Then I went home to spend some time with my friends and family, which was nice but exhausting. Tomorrow, I'm going back to the quiet of my apartment and to be honest, I can't wait! I just like being alone too much.

I've been very quiet in general. I went to the movies with my godmother this week, saw Doubt (amazing movie!!) and came out her, finally. I told her that I wasn't that much interested in boys, but rather very interested in girls and she said that it was okay to have girlfriends as in best friends, but that that would change too. She thinks I'm afraid of men. Uhm, okay, well, I'm pretty indifferent towards men, since I just in general prefer the company of women, but afraid I'm most certainly not. I'm just not attracted to them at all. Well, I told her my side of the story and she'll realize sooner or later that it's more than just a phase. I didn't really talk much at all that night, because there were just a few things that I couldn't really tell her about that were on my mind.

I also spent one day with a friend of mine and her two beautiful daughters. Those kids are tiring, made me want to not have kids. They are sweet and nice, but definitely a handful. After they went to bed, me and my friend had a long conversation about my plans for the future and my problems with my mom, since she's actually just as much a friend of my mom's as mine. It was pretty good to see things from her side as a mother but to also hear her experiences. She left home at 18 for a year against her fathers' wishes and it was the best decision she could have taken at that time. It gave me some strength to know that not everyone (obviously, apart from my girlfriend and friends) thought I was being irrational and un-smart.

So tomorrow I'm going back to university-town and to the new term and I really hope that in the next month, I will be able to make some more important decisions for my future. And by then, my beautiful girlfriend will hopefully be here as well!!

Amen, my dear queer brother!

I cannot wait to see this film!

He's so tiny!

I got to see my nephew for a minute last week and he really is tiny! But he's doing really well, so we're thankful for that. He'll be just fine.

So gay

Clementine Ford, actress and daugther of Cybill Shepherd, came out in an interview for Diva magazine. Is it bad that I'm happy and excited about that? She doesn't actually say whether she is gay or bisexual, but the point is, this beautiful, cute, great actress is playing for our team. I get to be excited about that, right? Right!

And since we're already talking about this subject and I've been saying this so much lately, I just wanted to post the video of Dana being "So gay." Because I'm just so gay too.

It's a boy!

This morning, my first nephew was born. Unfortunately, they had to do a premature C-section, but both the baby and my sister-in-law are doing well. He was breathing on his own, but since he is so little and his lungs aren't fully functioning yet they might have to intubate. This is exciting and really scary at the same time. So far, it looks like he will be just fine and my sister-in-law is doing so much better than she did just yesterday. Naturally, we don't know if this will have any long-term effects and how he will develop, but we are keeping our fingers crossed for him and that he'll be fine.

I'm going to go visit him next week and by then, I'll hopefully be able to actually see him. I just want him to be okay, now that he's here.

Theme song appreciation

I love a good theme song. I love to hear the same song I've heard hundreds of times before and know that one of my favorite shows is on. Or hearing a song on the radio and having to smile because it makes me think of a movie or a show.

One of my favorite theme songs ever is Gilmore Girls' "Where You Lead" by Carole King.


Naturally, I also remember the theme songs that make me think of shows I watched when I was younger:

"I'm Always Here" from Baywatch



Probably one of the most famous theme songs ever: "I'll Be There for You" by The Rembrandts for Friends



And, of course, from one of my favorite shows ever, Charmed (seasons 1 to 3), "How Soon is Now?".

Funny side note - I always used to sing:

"See I've already waited too long
and all my hope is Prue."

because I'm a dork.

Moving on to films, I absolutely love the Harry Potter theme, because it's just so classic and very distinctive to me.

The intro to this movie (My Best Friend's Wedding) is actually my favorite part of the movie, apart from that, I don't really like the rest much. But that song and that video totally rock!

Wonder what movie that song is from?


"Maneater" from Runaway Bride

One last song though: Even though this is a very incomplete and personal list, I have to absolutely include one of the James Bond theme songs. God, I love those themes!

How to save a life?

There is so much bad stuff in the world, just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. There are so many people out there who hurt others, on purpose, just because they want to. They don't even care that they hurt others, because they enjoy it. It is bad enough when you hurt someone without the intention, because even though you can apologize, the hurt will still have been there. But hurting someone while you are fully aware that this is what you are doing? This is why I don't like people - because cruelty is such a human trait.

How can you deal with the fact that there is so much bad in the world, so much bad that is caused by humans and that could be prevented if people were better? Do you just turn your head and look away? Looking away doesn't make it go away, even if it might seem that way. I can't stomach any more stories about children being murdered by their own parents. How can anyone hurt an innocent child? Why can no one prevent all the horrible things children have to go through?

It makes me so sick to my stomach that people can be so apathetic and careless with life. This is one big reason not to have any kids: Our world is not a world in which you can protect your children from harm.

I can try as I might to not read the stories, to not watch the news, but it won't change the fact that people kill other people every day. Children get hurt every day. Developing a thick skin against stories like these seems the only way to stay sane, but I don't want to have a thick skin when it comes to something like that. I don't want to be able to say "It happened, there is nothing anyone could have done." I don't want to be less empathetic and I don't want to just shut it out. I am not even the one going through horrors like these and I can barely stand the fact that these horrors exist. To have the strength to survive all that bad in the world and still want to live and make the best out of it is so admirable.

The things people do are horrible and I don't want to know how to deal with it, I don't want to have to deal with it. I want that stuff not to happen. But those horrible things will happen as long as humans exist and that just makes me want to throw up.

I am against the death penalty. I think living with the knowledge of what you did, in a life behind bars where your past is all you can think about, is much more of a punishment than death. I understand the need and want for revenge, but there is no revenge for death. Killing the murderer is not going to bring the victim back to life. The state cannot decide over life and death.

But the fact that I'm against the death penalty doesn't mean that I don't have the urge to physically hurt some of the people who hurt others so badly. I want them to feel just a fraction of the pain they inflicted. I would never act on it, because I know that it won't change anything, but how could you not feel that way? How do you not feel that way?

[This is only marginally related, but it makes me feel slightly better - to know that even though I can't change any of the bad, I can try and make it better by doing good, by being a good person. Even if I can never take all the bad away.



Save A Life Campaign]