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Women are crazy. 'How do you know that?' you ask. I know because I experience it first-hand. 'With whom?' you ask. With MYSELF, unfortunately. I feel so very sorry for all the straight men and lesbians out there, because if most women are like me, then that's exhausting. Not that I would want to date men, because ewww, but still. I always thought that I'd not be like one of those crazy stereotype Hollywood ladies who's just so into her leading woman that she loses her common sense. Well, think again.
So this whole falling-in-love-and-dating-the-best-girlfriend-in-the-world thing is obviously very awesome, even though it is difficult at times because we live so far apart. What is less awesome are the new behavioral patterns that I'm experiencing with myself. I am completely emotional, it seems even more than I was during puberty. Or, which makes more of a difference, I actually show my feelings way more than I ever have before (at least since I was a little kid). I try really hard to be open and honest with my gf, since she deserves that, and I truly believe that honesty in a relationship is very important. But this honesty also makes me very much vulnerable, which in turn makes me freak out over little unimportant things. Then I am way too much in my head and I can't get myself out of it, so my poor girlfriend has to deal with me aka the complete trainwreck.
I wonder how it is that your brain can very clearly tell you one thing and still your heart insists on the other thing. It's not that I don't know, it's just that I can't wrap my head - or actually, my heart - around the idea that certain things are actually as great as they seem and that's not going to change over night.
And sometimes, you just want to be told that you're loved and that everything is okay.
[Sorry if this is not making too much sense, but I somehow do value my privacy, so I'm not going to write what exactly happened. That's all you'll get, sorry!]