Update on my life

As you all can imagine, there is a lot going on in my life right now. A very short update on what exactly is happening:

• My visa was approved and I already got my passport back.
• I've started getting ready to pack, sorting through all of my stuff and deciding on what to take and what to leave here.
• Today, we had a family party with all of my family here and I said goodbye to my aunt, uncle and cousins.
• Tomorrow, I'm having my farewell party with my friends, we'll play games in the afternoon and go out for dinner, maybe for drinks afterwards.
• I'm starting to get really excited, even though I don't even really have time to be excited because there is still so much to do.

That's it for now.

Emmy nominations!

As I've mentioned before, I really like award shows! Today, the 2009 Emmy Nominations were announced and I'm already excited because I will be able to watch the Emmies live and not in the middle of the night! I have to admit that I don't actually watch too many of the shows that are nominated, but I was actually pleased that 'Grey's Anatomy' wasn't nominated for an award. I think this reflects the poor quality and writing that about half of season 5 was. I am, however, very happy that both Sandra Oh and Chandra Wilson are nominated, because those two actresses kick ass on screen! I wish they had considered Brooke Smith, but she was only in 7 episodes and so I can see why they didn't, even though she was FREAKIN' AWESOME in those 7 episodes.

I'm also very excited about Kyra Sedgwick and Toni Colette being nominated as 'Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama/Comedy Series'. I am keeping my fingers crossed for Toni Colette because she showed so many facets of her great talent in 'United States of Tara'. I can't believe I haven't posted about my love for USoT and Toni in it before.

The other nominations that made me smile and go *YAY* are: Tony Shalhoub for Monk (I can identify with him so much), Hugh Laurie for House, Cherry Jones for 24 (I haven't seen her in it, but DYKE!! That just makes me happy, a lesbian playing the first female president.), 'Real Time with Bill Maher' in the new category 'Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Series' along with 'The Daily Show' and 'The Colbert Report', 'Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List' and 'Kathy Griffin: She'll Cut a Bitch' (Love her comedy specials, she sometimes goes a little far on her show, but she's funny anyways).

So that's my Emmy excitement for now. Let's hope for pretty dresses and for at least one of the Grey's Girls to win the award this year - since both have been nominated before (Oh 4 times, Wilson 3 times).

Back home

Yesterday I moved from the town I've studied in for the last two years back home. It doesn't feel like I moved back home, since I will leave in exactly two weeks to go to California. I said goodbye to my friends there, which was very weird too. I haven't grasped the concept yet that I won't see them for at least 10 months. Two of my three best friends lived in that town and I know I will miss them. I really hope that we can stay in touch but at the same time I know how hard it is to talk about everything that's always going on in one's life when the other person is so far away. I created a second twitter account just so that I can keep my friends and family up-to-date and I'm thinking about creating a second blog, but I barely find the time/energy to update this blog as often as I would like. I guess I'll just have to wait and see how everything turns out.

Right now, I've mostly cleaned up my room and put everything away. There is a little mess in my room simply because I don't have enough storage to put absolutely everything away, but apart from that it's looking pretty good. I will start going through all of my drawers and cupboards to decide what to keep and what to throw out/sell, since I will not be able to take that much stuff with me. I made my 'packing-list' today and most of my suitcases will be filled with clothes and shoes and such. At least I get to take two suitcases with a total of 100 lbs with me. Those plus my two carry-on items will be A LOT to take care of, since I don't even weigh that much more than all of my luggage will. But I only have to get all of my luggage through customs in Chicago, where I will have to change planes. Oh my...

The idea that I'm not going to be home for 10 months and not see my family and friends still is a bit foreign to me. I can't wrap my mind around how I will feel, but I think that in situations like this it's always hard to know beforehand how everything will turn out. I know that this is the right decision and that I really want this and I will do everything I can to make it work. My therapist was certain that I was prepared as well as you can be for this huge change and that just makes me more certain.

I can't wait what will come my way, even if I can't really imagine it quite yet.

The Calm Before The Storm

Right now, I am still in the town I study in. I plan on moving Wednesday and have already moved part of my stuff. I wrote one exam today and will write another one Wednesday, but understandably I'm not very motivated to study. Once I've moved and am back home, I will have exactly two weeks until I get on a plane to my new life. Actually, I will only have 13 days, since I will arrive home late Wednesday and will have to leave for the airport early Thursday two weeks later.

As long as I am here, I still have a lot of time. There are numerous things I cannot organize yet and I can't do any of the packing yet either. My room here is already almost empty, all I basically have to do is put everything into my parent's car. It has been weird, today I went to dinner with one of my best friends and it was the last time that we really actually had time to talk. She might help me move a bit, but we will probably not see each other for a year after that. I really want to stay in touch with certain people from my life here, but I don't know what to expect as soon as I'm in California so it's hard to predict what will happen. I've been looking for a room in California, but so far nothing great has come up. It is really hard to find a room when I am here and the room is there.

As soon as I'm home, I will start going through all of my stuff, mostly my clothes and figure out what I'm throwing out, what I'm taking with me and what'll stay. I will be gone for about 10 months and I don't want to keep too much stuff if I'm not going to ever use it again. It will be hard to let go of certain things but I will try to not be too emotional, since the things will be in Austria and therefore out of my reach anyways. I will mostly keep winter clothing, since I don't need that in California - obviously - but I do plan on coming home for Christmas at least once in the next three years.

Normally, my life is very organized. I like making plans and lists and I am really bad at being spontaneous. Really, really bad. Right now, I cannot even plan ahead one month. I can think of all the things that I want, but I have no clue what they will exactly look like or even if I will have these things. I thought that when I got the acceptance email to college I'd be able to sleep better again, but so far I haven't been able to fall asleep at night at all because I have a million things going through my head. I really don't know what to expect and everything will change for me - way more than it did when I moved out.

I am certain that this was the right decision and I can't wait to start college and live my dream. But nonetheless, I'm a little anxious of how everything will work out in the next month. I expect problems and glitches, because you always have to expect those, but I just don't know what they will look like. I'm leaving my security net, that I've been living with for 21 years, behind. It is exciting, but also nerve-wracking. I guess we'll have to wait and see how everything turns out. I'm just not good at the patience-thing.

20 days

In 20 days,
I will hug her
I will kiss her
I will hold her

In 20 days,
I will study her face while she talks to me
I will fall asleep in her warm embrace
I will see her face light up as she laughs

In 20 days
She will hug me
She will kiss me
She will hold me

In 20 days
I will hold her hand again
I will look in her eyes again
I will feel her presence again

In just 20 days
My life will be complete again

Here we go again: Weight issues

So I lost some weight. The few people that I've actually admitted that to seem to think it's a significant amount, even though I said I'd lost less than I did. It didn't really take any effort on my part to lose it and I could probably stay at that weight if I tried to. Now that I know I will go to college in the States, my hunger has returned, big time. I'm in the middle of moving, so I'm burning a lot of energy and I haven't actually gained back much. The problem is that I still feel fat. I still hate my belly and I still wish I could just cut a few inches away.

So there are basically two options. Either I don't eat and can somewhat live with the knowledge that even though I have a belly, I don't weight as much as I used to. Or I can figure out a way to accept that if I wanted to have a toned stomach, I'd have to work out a few times a week and since I'm too lazy to do that, I'll just have to live with the belly that I have.

I'm going to California

"Going to California, yes
To resurrect my soul
The sun is always shining, shining
Or at least that's what I'm told
I'm going to California
Theres a better life for me, yes
Going to California
I'll write and tell you what I see
I'm going to California
Somebody say a prayer for me"

'Going to California' ~ Pink

"Take me to the place where the sunshine flows
Oh my Sunset Rodeo

Hot fudge here comes the judge
There's just a green card in the way
The Holy Ghost and the whole East Coast
Are moving to L.A.
'Cause we've been dreaming of this feeling since 1988
Mother things have got to change
I'm moving to L.A."

'Hot Fudge' ~ Robbie Williams (Well, not LA and no green card so far, but almost)

The last two nights, I cried over the uncertainty of my future. I was scared shitless that I wouldn't be able to move to the States and how that would affect my life. But today, I finally was told that I got into college in California! I
was so relieved and happy. There are a thousand things that I have to do and organize and orientation takes place not even a month from now, so I'll be super-busy. I think the news hasn't even really settled in, especially since I haven't booked a flight yet. But I am super-excited and just have to smile every time I think about it.

That's all for now, but there sure is more to come!

Pride Parade

Tomorrow, Austria's biggest (only?) Pride Parade will take place in Vienna. I've never been. In the last two years, something always came up and this year, I can't go either. I'm a little sad, but there is so much on my mind right now that it barely makes a difference. The only Pride Parade I've been to was in Amsterdam and it was pretty amazing. To be in a town full of LGBTQ people celebrating their identity is very empowering. However, I was with a friend and we didn't know anyone else and didn't speak the language, so we couldn't enjoy the parties at night as much as we would have in a group of people.

Looking at pictures from Pride Parades in San Francisco (Malinda Lo, Lesbian Dad) makes me really wish I could have gone too. I probably won't be able to go to any Pride Parades in the States next year, since if I'll be studying there I will be home in June. There's hoping that I'll be able to go to Vienna, but it's impossible to plan ahead a year right now.

So, to all the people going to the parade in Vienna - Enjoy Pride! I hope it doesn't rain and I'm with you in thought!

Quote of the Week

"Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from."

The incredibly talented, smart and hot Jodie Foster