"I think you are ready for a real holiday, after the year you've just had."
Let me elaborate: I've been feeling restless and like I'm constantly running on adrenaline lately. Scratch that, I've been feeling like that for a long time. I know that I'm stressed out when I can't enjoy having nothing to do. The train rides between Innsbruck and home felt like torture because I couldn't just sit still for three hours. Even though I had plenty of things to do, even though I had my laptop with me to distract me, I still was internally pacing. Here's a short overview of what happened in my life in the last two years (because one year doesn't seem enough):
- I had a stressful last year in high school
- I felt ill for approx. 2 months
- I went to numerous doctors (all specialists), who all told me I was perfectly healthy
- One doctor told me that my energy balance is so off it doesn't surprise her that I felt ill
- Said doctor told me to deal with it, because after two sessions it still hadn't improved much (and that's the doctor who normally works wonders with my health)
- I passed my final exams with distinction
- I left behind friends and teachers that still have a place in my heart
- As my class had gotten into a huge fight with our form teacher (my first *huge* crush), I left with things not being okay between me and her
- 4 days later I went on our 'final' trip with one ex-best friend and one best friend
- I had a bad fight with my then best friend on the third day of our vacation
- 2 days after I came home I started to work for a month
- I had the whole month of August "off"
- My parents were in Namibia for three weeks and I heard from them about 4 times, so I spent three weeks worrying about my parents
- I cleaned up and sorted through all my stuff
- I got ready to move to a different country
- I moved to Belgium to work there as an au-pair
- I moved back home after two weeks of hell
- I decided, within three days, what and where to study
- I moved to Innsbruck and got ready for University within two weeks
- I moved to a town in which I didn't know anyone, started living with two complete strangers
- I met new people and made friends, which was hard because I'm not sociable
- I started to cook about 4-7 meals a week (I didn't cook before)
- I struggled/still struggle with healthy eating habits and my weight
- I did my own laundry, cleaned my room and our flat and basically did everything you have to do when you move out
- I took care of all of my stuff, the things I didn't take care of are still unfinished
- I lived three hours away from my parents and only saw them 3-7 days a month
- I struggled with my parents getting older practically in front of my eyes (my dad has high blood pressure)
- In my first term, I took French 1, English 2 and statistics, three very hard and time-consuming classes
- I turned 20
- I fell ill (angina) and just as I was about to get better, I fell ill again (sinusitis)
- I went home while ill and on pain meds because I thought I was going to die alone
- I prepared for and wrote 5 exams on one day - and passed them all!!
- I took French 2 in my second term - which was about twice as much work as French 1
- My brother got married
- I failed an exam that I had found easy
- I had two weeks of vacation in my hometown, filled with visiting family and seeing friends
- I started work two weeks ago and it is boring me to death, which is as bad as being overstrained
- What I want and what I have is worlds apart
Any questions why I feel exhausted?
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