Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Lei oins

In Tirol, where I study at the moment, people like using the expression "Lei oins" for things that are the same or for actions that result in the same outcome. I'm not really sure from which German words you could derive this expression, but I really like saying it - a lot! The reason I bring this up is because I went to this party last friday, called Sonnendeck. The local LGBT-organization organizes this party twice a year, it takes place at a youth club, they set up tables and benches outside and usually barbecue and inside the club, a djane plays great music. On friday, over 200 people attended the party!

Before we went there, I met with some friends at a friends place (Ms. M) to chat and catch up on our lives, because we hadn't seen each other in a while. That was actually the best part of the whole evening, it was really cozy and just nice to see each other again. then, at around 10 in the evening, we finally went to the party. I was a little bit overwhelmed at first, because there were so many people and I didn't really know anyone except for two or three members of the organization (and, obviously, the friends I went there with). What bothered me was that everybody looked so the same, out of the 100 girls, only about 5 didn't have short hair and some form of a faux-hawk. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind people who have short hair and faux-hawks, they look really cute most of the time, but what bothers me is that everybody looked the same! Totally lei oins! I wore a dress and I had actually put an effort into looking the way I did but the fact that I was the only one wearing a dress made me feel totally uncomfortable. The only other people wearing a skirt were the male band members from the Irish band who wore kilts. I stood out and felt selfconsious, when I should not feel that way at a lgbt-party. Some of the girls gave me looks like "What is the straight girl doing here?". The thing is, unless the individual changes her appearance, there will be no diversity in the group. It's like a vicious circle where you automatically feel pressure to adapt to the group, even when at first you might have felt better the way you were.

What also kinda ruined my mood was that there were so many couples at the party and so many groups of friends that it was really difficult to get to know someone new. I had a converstation with the sister of a friend of mine who told me how happy she was with her girlfriend and that they would get married immediatly if they could and how she had been in previous relationships where she had not taken the relationship seriously. She's about 5 years older than me and had already had 8 girlfriends, with various lenghts of the relationships. How come some people go from one relationship to another and I don't even date? Sometimes, being single really sucks a lot. Fortunatly, I have great friends (especially Ms. A and Ms. M), who cheered me up without forcing me to talk about it, which I really appreciated. Anyways, my point is that having nearly no diversity in the lgbt-community sucks!

Now, after this long rant, I'm off to see "In the valley of Elah" which the beautiful Charlize Theron.

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