Saturday, October 25, 2008

Friendship struggles

Up until two years ago, I used to only have friends at school. I went to school with my friends and I didn't have any friends that I didn't go to school with. Which meant that I didn't have that many friends and I saw the ones I had almost daily. When you spend 6 or more hours 5 days a week together, go out on weekends and talk on the phone regularly, you automatically know a person pretty well. You know when they are upset, you know when they are lying and you know whether they are mad at you or just have a bad day. For me, one of the changes into adulthood is that you probably never know your friends that well ever again. I have problems adjusting to these new kinds of friendships. Especially because I have friends who live in my hometown and who I only see once a month at the most. I'm not saying that my friendships in school were that much better - trust me, they weren't - but it was way easier to know the boundaries, to know where the friendship stood and what I could or couldn't share.

Now, when I meet certain people and they aren't in a good mood or aren't as friendly/interested as I'd expect, I tend to question myself. Did I do something wrong? Is there a reason why this person could be angry at me? I have a really hard time figuring out whether they are just having a bad day or whether their behavior has something to do with me. I know that all of us have bad days, but when I meet people who I haven't seen in a while I at least try to be interested even if I'm having a bad day. Because if my day were that bad that I couldn't do that, I'd not meet them. Get my point?

I hate that I don't know whether certain people don't write back or call or something like that because they are busy and just don't have the time or whether they are just not that interested in me. It's very rare that I can't figure out whether a person likes me and wants to be friends with me, but it's the case with someone right now and it is killing me. I don't want to be that person who calls and texts and writes messages all the time. I don't want to seem desperate and I'm not desperate, if they aren't interested then just tell me. I've ended friendships before just because the chemistry wasn't right and I'm okay with doing that, because I don't want to waste my time. But if someone gives me the impression that they are interested and that they want to meet, but then suddenly lose interest, that's more than confusing. It's also fucking ignorant! Just because I tend to be in a good mood whenever we meet and tend to be okay with doing what they want to do doesn't mean that I don't have feelings or that I don't have the ability to feel bad about something.

So what do I do? Do I ask whether they even want to be friends with me? Do I ignore the situation? Do I call and text and see what will happen?


finn said...

I can't believe I'm saying this because I'm very bad at it myself. But communication is the key. go and talk to that person. you'll get an answer no matter what. even if the person doesn't really "talk" to you that's an answer...or at least some input you can base your decision on.

Good luck to you!

finn said...

oh, and don't do it via mail or sms because that is only confusing and you can't accurately read any subtext in such messages...

Brianna J said...

I just tagged you, and I feel guilty already!